How To Encourage Someone Who Is Hurting

Sometimes it's difficult to know how to help someone going through a painful season in their life. When my world as I knew it came crashing to an end, compassionate people met my needs in a variety of ways. Hopefully, some of the ideas below will help you show love and kindness to someone who is hurting.

Share Your Story

Several people came to me when they heard about my heartbreaking situation. They didn’t ask anything, didn’t try to verify rumors, just relayed their own stories, some much worse than mine. For some it might have been the first time they felt comfortable to share their story. After all, I was no longer a porcelain doll without cracks. It was through my own painful experience that I learned people connect and sympathize with our weaknesses more than our strengths, with our hurts more than our joys. I was now someone with whom they could relate and bond because of a shared experience. And not only was I  a safe haven for them, I was strengthened by the knowledge they survived their painful season. If they had, then so could I. It was a win-win conversation.

Make A Phone Call

Pick up the phone and tell them you are thinking about them and wanted to make sure they knew it. Don't ask, “How are you doing?” That’s a hard question to answer, and some people feel threatened by a lot of questions. Just tell them you are thinking about them and wanted to make sure they know it. Let them vent if they have the need. Don’t force it if they don’t.

Pay A Visit

Take the time to stop by. Nothing takes the place of face to face. One friend whom I'd not seen in a while started randomly dropping by (she would call ahead) to check on me and as a result we rekindled a neglected friendship.

Send Flowers

Flowers are never a waste of money. And they don’t have to be store bought if cash flow is a problem. People who own yards with flowering plants are usually glad to share a few blooms--just ask. Arrange them in a vase, and if you are able, deliver them personally. I still remember a gorgeous bouquet sent to me by a dear friend during my tough season. I took a picture of it to remind me of her kind gesture long after the blooms faded.

Send A Card

Receiving old fashioned correspondence through snail mail can be very uplifting when it is a beautiful card with thoughtful words. The cards I received always came on a day when I needed that extra boost of encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Give a Gift

One friend gave me a clear packet containing a small seed. “This is a mustard seed,” she explained. I replied, “I’m not good at gardening.” She laughed then told me it wasn’t for planting but to hold onto when I was feeling low, which was most of the time. She said, "You will get through this," then she quoted the following verse to me.

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20 (NIV)

For many months I held onto that seed for dear life.....until one day I misplaced it. When I couldn't find it I cried like a baby who had lost a security blanket. Another friend who knew how much it meant to me replaced it with a mustard seed in a locket that I could wear around my neck. I will be forever grateful.

Extend a Dinner Invitation

A couple of friends consistently invited me to dinner with their families or out to eat with other extended friends. Though I hated going solo, it gave me a chance to get out in a social environment, clear my thoughts, and breathe fresh air. They always made me feel welcome and never like a third wheel.

Pray With Them

One day I sunk the lowest that I believed I could go. "I can't take this," I thought. No longer had the words entered my mind when a young woman from church dropped by my office. She took one look at me, saw my despair, and said, “Can I pray with you?” And she did. Right then and there. That thoughtful act was a turning point for me. At the very moment I thought my life was lost, God’s timing prevailed. If she’d been too busy that day as she ran business errands, my faith might have crumbled.

A Box of Verses

One of the most surprising things I received during that time was a box full of Bible verses, not just any old random verses either, but ones handpicked toward my situation. A friend had typed the verses placing my name at the beginning of each one making it appear as if God were talking directly to me. She then cut out each verse, folded it, and placed it in the box. There are probably fifty verses in that box. Each day I would open the box and pull out the words of encouragement.

I am so grateful to each person who took the time to show me love and kindness during a difficult period in my life. Please feel free to share unique ways you have blessed others going through a painful season.